A Movie Should Be As Long As

Seeing A Murder On Television Can Help Us Unload The Feelings Of Hate Themselves. If You Do Not Have Feelings Of Hatred, May Be Obtained In The Advertising Interval.

This Weapon [an Ax] Is Primitive But Effective. And It's Also Guaranteed To Be Fifty-percent Painless. You See, It Takes Two People To Operate, And The Person At This End [the Handle] Doesn't Feel A Thing.

Television Is Like The Invention Of Indoor Plumbing. It Didn't Change People's Habits. It Just Kept Them Inside The House.

We Seem To Have A Compulsion These Days To Bury Time Capsules In Order To Give Those People Living In The Next Century Or So Some Idea Of What We Are Like.

These Are Bagpipes. I Understand The Inventor Of The Bagpipes Was Inspired When He Saw A Man Carrying An Indignant, Asthmatic Pig Under His Arm. Unfortunately, The Man-made Sound Never Equalled The Purity Of The Sound Achieved By The Pig.