Mocking Hugh Hefner Is Easy To Do,

Visitors Who Come From The Soviet Union And Tell You How Marvelous It Is To Be Able To Look At Public Buildings Without Advertisements Stuck All Over Them Are Just Telling You That They Can't Decipher The Cyrillic Alphabet.

She Wasn't Just Beautiful. She Was Like The Sun Coming Up: Coming Up Giggling. She Was Giggling As If She Had Just Remembered Something Funny.

"nationwide" Featured An Amazing Collection Of Apprentice Impersonators. From All Over Britain, Schoolchildren Materialised Via Local Studios To Give Us Their Imitations Of The Mighty. There Were At Least Three Uncannily Accurate Margaret Thatchers, Their Eyelids Fatigued With Condescension And Their Voices Swooping And Whining Like Dive-bombers.

I Taught Myself Russian, Which Was Very, Very Useful, Especially For Poetry And In Fact If You Can't Read Pushkin In Russian, You're Really Missing Something.

When You Cut It Up, Put The Pieces In Your Mouth And Swallowed Them, The British Hamburger Shaped Itself To The Bottom On Your Stomach Like Ballast, While Interacting With Your Gastric Juices To Form An Incipient Belch Of Enormous Potential, An Airship Which Had Been Inflated In A Garage. This Belch, When Silently Released, Would Cause People Standing Twenty Yards Away To Start Examining The Soles Of Their Shoes. The Vocalized Version Sounded Like A Bag Of Tools Thrown Into A Bog.