Ambition Beats Genius 99% Of The Time

I Didn't Realize It Was October Until I Saw The Chicago Cubs Choking.

John Kerry Went Hunting Today. He Said He Killed A Goose. He Didn't Bring Teresa Along Because He Was A Little Rusty And He Was Afraid He Might Kill The Goose That Laid The Golden Egg.

China Is Now Expected To Surpass Japan As The 2nd Richest Country In The World. They Could Become The Richest, But That's Only If We Pay Them The Money We Owe Them, And That's Not Going To Happen.

Well, President-elect Barack Obama And His Family Are Gonna Spend The Holidays In His Home State Of Hawaii. And You Know Who Couldn't Be More Thrilled With This? The Press, The Reporters Who Follow The President. Well, Think About It. After Eight Years Of Spending Every Holiday Cutting Brush In Crawford, Texas, They Get To Go To Hawaii!

As They Do Every Year, Al-qaida Has Threatened To Disrupt And Ruin Christmas. You Know, We Already Have A Group That Disrupts And Ruins Christmas Every Year. They're Called Relatives.