And You Can't Have Two Stars In

Unrequited Love Is All Right In Books And Things, But In Real Life, It Completely Sucks

Michael Has Never Cried During A Broadway Show. Except In That Scene Where Tarzan's Ape Father Is Brutally Murdered. And That Was Only Because He Was Laughing So Hard.

Weight Doesn’t Matter. It Really Doesn’t. I Mean, It Does If You’re A Model Or Whatever.

Diet Coke Does Not Contain Nasty Chemicals. It Contains Lovely And Delicious Carbonation, Caffeine, And Aspartame. What's Unnatural About That?

I've Never Even Been To Long Island