Are There Glass Shards In My Anus?!

I Am Going To Name A Group Of My Kids After My Favorite Cartoons, I Am Going To Name Them After Transformers.

I Don't Get Any Anxiety. I Don't Because Of Two Reasons. Number One, Just Breaking Through It As A Kid And Finally Getting Past It Was Like Okay, Nothing's Ever Going To Feel That Scary Again As That Deafening Silence Of A Joke Not Working. Any Joke Not Working Is Not As Bad As Not Being Able To Even Try And Get On Stage.

If You Use Tact You Can Say Anything, Then Make It Funny.

You Are The Director Of Your Own Life Story. Don't Cast Idiots Or People Will Walk Out During Your 2nd Act.

I Love Singing Along To The Radio While I'm Riding In The Back Of A Squad Car.