As I Look Back On My Life,

I Have Never Seen A Bad Television Program, Because I Refuse To. God Gave Me A Mind, And A Wrist That Turns Things Off.

The California Cemeteries Make Dying Sound So Attractive It's A Real Effort To Keep Breathing.

Then There Was The Time In Hollywood When I Sat Down In A Breakaway Chair And It Collapsed On Me. I Was Nearly Knocked Out And Might Have Been Even More Seriously Hurt But My Fall Was Broken By The Smog.

Disneyland Is Such A Big Thing To Californians, I Discovered That When You Cross The Border You Have To Raise Your Right Hand And Take An Oath That You Believe In Walt Disney.

Hollywood, We Decided, Was A Nice Place To Die, But We Wouldn't Want To Live There.