As Miss America, My Goal Is To

Now, Today Is The Day We Honor, Of Course, The Presidents, Ranging From George Washington, Who Couldn't Tell A Lie, To George Bush, Who Couldn't Tell The Truth, To Bill Clinton, Who Couldn't Tell The Difference.

They Say There Are Something Like 12 Million Illegal Immigrants In The Country Right Now, With Another Half A Million Coming Every Year. Remember In The Last Election When The Democrats Claimed There Was Two Americas? Turns Out One Of Them Was Mexico.

Congratulations To President Obama On Being Reelected President Of The United States. Turns Out It Is Not All Bad News For The Republicans. It Seems That Depression Is Covered By Obamacare.

There Is A Video Out Now On How To Please Men. Here's Tip Number 1: Just Show Up!

A Team Of British Lawyers Has Now Concluded That The Declaration Of Independence Was Illegal, And The American Colonies Had No Right To Secede From England. Well, You Thought Our Court System Was Backed Up.