At The Battle Of The Bands The

Cottonballs Are An Example Of Something I'd Want To Buy, But Not Have As A Nickname.

I Am A Man Of My Word… And That Word Is “unreliable.

If You Want To Feel Less Sexy Put Scotch Tape On Your Nipples.

But Long Story Short, I Didn't Start Doing Stand-up Because I Wanted To Have A Tv Show Or Be An Actor Or Even Wanted To Write Sketch Comedy. I Got Into Stand-up Because I Love Stand-up.

I Saw A Dog Wearing A Sweater And I Thought That Looked Ridiculous 'cause Dogs Don't Have Arms. If You're Going To Put Clothes On The Dog, You Should Put Two Pairs Of Pants On It.