Bacon Bits Are Like The Fairy Dust

Imagine You're Drowning, And Someone Hands You A Baby.

Stand-up Is An Amazing Art Form, I Think, Because It's All About You Having Complete Control Of The Situation, But Absolutely None.

Whenever You Correct Someone's Grammar Just Remember That Nobody Likes You.

You Ever Talk About A Movie With Someone That Read The Book? They're Always So Condescending. 'ah, The Book Was Much Better Than The Movie.' Oh Really? What I Enjoyed About The Movie: No Reading.

I Feel Guilty If I'm Not Reading Books, But I Read Scripts Of Movies Or Things That I Know I'm Committed To That I'm Going To Do The Project. I Tell Myself, "i'm Going To Read This Script Like Six Times," And I Only Read It The Initial Time.