Bacon Bits Are Like The Fairy Dust

I Know That Colbert Could Quote Thomas Aquinas And All This, But I'm Somebody Who, Because It's A Necessity For Me On A Personal Basis. I Need It Because I'm A Lunatic.

I Left The Midwest Thinking I Didn't Fit In. But When I Got To New York, I Realized How Truly Midwestern I Was.

I Try To Only Eat Animals That Are Vegan. I'm Probably The Opposite Of A Vegan.

I Don't Want People To Think I Believe In God.

Actually, The Reason I Look Like This Is Because My Father Was From Sweden And My Mother Was Elton John.