Bologna Is A Deli Meat For People

People Ask Me For My Autograph After A Show. I'm Not Famous, I Think They're Messing With Me. I Think They're Trying To Make Me Late For Something.

My Girlfriend Works At Hooters. In The Kitchen.

I Spilled Some Vodka On The Carpet, And I Vacuumed It Up, And The Vacuum Got Drunk. I Had To Take The Hoover To Detox.

I Saw On Hbo They Were Advertising A Boxing Match "it's A Fight To The Finish". That's A Good Place To End.

When We Were On Acid, We Would Go Into The Woods, Because There Was Less Chance That You Would Run Into An Authority Figure. But We Ran Into A Bear. My Friend Duane Was There, Raising His Right Hand, Swearing To Help Prevent Forest Fires. He Told Me, "mitchell, Smokey Is Way More Intense In Person!"