But I Saw The Pain And Sadness

No One Ever Loved You Like Him. And No One Ever Took It Away So Completely. But It's Here. Look Around.

When I Am In A Relationship, I Don’t Wear Lipstick At All. I Hate The Smearing, The Retouching, The Constant Throb Of Phoniness As You Surreptitiously Check The Damage In Your Compact Between Kisses. I Wear Lots Of Mascara To Compensate, Different Colors So I Don’t Get Bored. When I Am About To Break Up With A Guy, He Has Full Warning Because I Start Wearing Lipstick Again.

I Didn't Know There Was Something Really Wrong, Because Everyone Was Crazy. It's Just That Everyone Else Was Still Functional. I Didn't Realize That I Was Any Worse Off.

A Lot Of The Time In My Recurring Dreams, Before I Was Diagnosed, Iconic People Would Either Be Good Or Evil Figures. I Remember Dreaming Really Basic Stuff Like Trying To Navigate The London Underground, But Then Paul Newman Would Be The Only One Who Would Direct Me To The Right Trains. And I'm Trying To Remember Who Would Direct Me To The Wrong Ones.

In Other Words, It Was A Struggle With Himself. And The Product Of That Struggle: Anger, Bitterness, Resentment, Envy Or Transformation, Aspiration, Hope, Decency..the Product Of That Struggle Is The Quality Of Your Life And The Nature Of Your Soul.