By The Early Seventies I Had Become

For Alarmingly Large Chunks Of An Average Day, I Am A Moron.

Radio Football Is Football Reduced To Its Lowest Common Denominator.

No Time Spent With A Book Is Ever Entirely Wasted, Even If The Experience Is Not A Happy One: There’s Always Something To Be Learned. It’s Just That, Every Now And Again, You Can Hit A Patch Of Reading That Makes You Feel As If You’re Pootling About. [...] But What Can You Do About It? We Don’t Choose To Waste Our Reading Time; It Just Happens. The Books Let Us Down.

I See Now That Dismissing Ya Books Because You're Not A Young Adult Is A Little Bit Like Refusing To Watch Thrillers On The Grounds That You're Not A Policeman Or A Dangerous Criminal, And As A Consequence, I've Discovered A Previously Ignored Room At The Back Of The Bookstore That's Filled With Masterpieces I've Never Heard Of.

Look At All The Things That Can Go Wrong For Men. There’s The Nothing-happening-at-all Problem, The Too-much-happening-too-soon Problem, The Dismal-droop-after-a-promising-beginning Problem; There’s The Size-doesn’t-matter-except-in-my-case Problem, The Failing-to-deliver-the-goods Problem…and What Do Women Have To Worry About? A Handful Of Cellulite? Join The Club. A Spot Of I-wonder-how-i-rank? Ditto.