Canadian Bacon Isn't Bacon. It's Ham.

The New York Times - But The Whole Country Gives It That Weight. It's Like The Asian Kid In Math Class. Everybody In The Media Cheats Off The New York Times.

I Don't Dislike Children, I Just Don't Particularly Want To Be Around With Them A Lot. Problem Is, Neither Do Their Parents.

I Just Don't Think A Lot Of Republicans Like It When Single Women Have Sex.

There Is A Big Difference Between A Disappointing Friend And A Deadly Enemy. Of Course The Democrats Are Disappointing. That's What Makes Them Democrats. If They Were Any More Frustrating They'd Be Your Relatives. But In This Country They Are All That Stands Between You And Darkest Night. You Know Why Their Symbol Is The Letter 'd'? Because It's A Grade That Means Good Enough, But Just Barely. You Know Why The Republican Symbol Is 'r'? Because It's The Noise A Pirate Makes When He Robs You And Feeds You To A Shark.

They Told Us To Buy Duct Tape And Portable Radios So That If The World Does End, We Can All Listen To Rush Limbaugh Blame It On Clinton.