Childhood Obesity Affects All Pedophiles.

I Never Go See Live Comedy Shows Because I Just Sit In The Audience Thinking, "here's What I Would Say. Here's What I Would Do If I Got Up There." It Drives Me Crazy.

I've Always Been Fascinated By Dark Subjects, Especially People's Reactions To Them. Why Are People So Uncomfortable Talking About Death If Everyone Dies?

An Offended Audience Member Repeating A Comedian's Act From Memory Is Worse Than, Literally, Anything.

The World Is Full Of Horrible Things That Will Eventually Get You And Everything You Care About. Laughter Is A Universal Way To Lift Your Head Up And Say: 'not Today, You Bastards.'

Valentine's Day Was Created By The Greeting Card Industry To Get Pussy.