Comedy Is In My Blood. Too Bad

People Ask If I Can Get It Up In The Morning. I Tell Them Are You Kidding I'm Envious Of A Stiff Wind.

We Lived In A Neighborhood That Was Too Rich For Us. When I Was Young, I Had To Deliver Groceries To The Homes Of The Kids I Went To School With. I Had To Go To The Back Doors To Make The Deliveries. It Was Embarrassing. That Was One Thing Out Of A Hundred.

To Me, Viagra Is The Same As Disneyland. You Wait An Hour For A Two-minute Ride.

My Family Was A Bunch Of Drunks. When I Was Six I Came Up Missing, They Put My Picture On A Bottle Of Scotch.

My Kids Scotch Tape Worms To The Sidewalk And Watch The Birds Get Hernias.