106 [degrees] In The Valley... I Was

Attorney General John Ashcroft Has Been Hospitalized. I Believe He Is Suffering From Homophobia. No, Actually, It Was Just Gallstones, But When They Gave Him The Hospital Gown That Opens In The Back, He Refused To Wear It, He Thought It Was A Gay Wedding Dress.

Researchers Found A Frog In New Guinea That Is So Tiny, They Believe It's The Smallest Vertebrate On The Planet. It Has The Tiniest Backbone Of Any Living Creature, Except Members Of Congress.

Cnn Found That Hillary Clinton Is The Most Admired Woman In America. Women Admire Her Because She's Strong And Successful. Men Admire Her Because She Allows Her Husband To Cheat And Get Away With It.

How Many Watched The President's Speech Last Night? [half-hearted Audience Applause] How Many Watched American Idol ? [thundering Applause] Okay, There You Go! You Get The Government You Deserve.

The White House Has Now Released Military Documents That They Say Prove George Bush Met His Requirements For The National Guard. Big Deal, We've Got Documents That Prove Al Gore Won The Election.