Do You Have A Dollar On You?

Comedy Is Serious - Deadly Serious. Never, Never Try To Be Funny! The Actors Must Be Serious. Only The Situation Must Be Absurd. Funny Is In The Writing, Not In The Performing. If The Situation Isn't Absurd, No Amount Of Joke Will Help.

I've Always Loved Songwriting, And I Vowed To Be A Songwriter Like Cole Porter When I Was Only 9 Years Old.

My Liveliness Is Based On An Incredible Fear Of Death. In Order To Keep Death At Bay, I Do A Lot Of "yah! Yah! Yah!" And Death Says, "all Right. He's Too Noisy And Busy. I'll Wait For Someone Who's Sitting Quietly, Half Asleep."

Every Human Being Has Hundreds Of Separate People Living Under His Skin. The Talent Of A Writer Is His Ability To Give Them Their Separate Names, Identities, Personalities And Have Them Relate To Other Characters Living With Him.

I Have Been Lucky That Some Critics Joined The Mob In Loving Something I've Done, Or In Appreciating It. I've Been Lucky. But Most Of The Critics Don't Like What The People Like. I Think They Have A Very Strange Job, And They Are Meant To Criticize.