Don't Get Me Wrong, I Like To

I Like Doing Stand-up And I Love Putting Out Tv Specials. I'm Not An Actor Though, So I Don't Really Have Much Choice In The Matter.

I'm Sorry, Was That Homophobic? No--i Think It Was, 'cause I Hear That A Lot. Dave, What?, You're Talking About Being Gay. You Probably Secretly Are Gay. And I'm Like Listen Voice In My Head, I'm Not! How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? I Know I Wouldn't Like It, Other Scarier Voice In My Head! 'cause One Time While Making A Sandwich, A Cucumber Went Up My Ass. Three Times.

You Ever Make Fun Of Someone So Much, You Think You Should Thank Them For All The Good Times You've Had?

Sex And Murder Are The Same. Well, You Say The Same After Both Don't You? "damn I Got To Get The Hell Out Of Here!" "what Was I Thinking!"

I Don't Think I'm A Star Or A Celebrity Or Any Thing Like That.