Don't Talk To Me About Gravity. When

If You Can't Make Fun Of Yourself, You Don't Have Any Right To Make Fun Of Others

A Child Can Be Taught Not To Do Certain Things, Such As Touch A Hot Stove, Pull Lamps Off Of Tables, And Wake Mommy Before Noon.

I Said Justin Bieber Looked Like A Little Lesbian -- And I Stand By It: He's The Daughter Cher Wishes She'd Had.

My Best Birth Control Now Is Just To Leave The Lights On.

A Female Salmon Lays Three Thousand Eggs A Year - And Has Yet To Receive A Mother's Day Card From One Of Them.