Don't You Miss The Days When America

New Rule: If You Can Force A Woman To Look At A Sonogram—to See What Will Happen If She Has An Abortion—you Also Have To Let Her See A Crying Baby, A Bratty Five-year-old, And A Surly Teenager To See What Will Happen If She Doesn’t. And You Have To Tell Her It Costs $204,000 To Raise It Until It Turns Eighteen, In 2028, Where It Will Be A Slave To The Chinese, In A Radioactive World With No Animals, Fish, Or Plants.

Obama Is Not A Secret Kenyon, Or A Secret Muslim, He's A Secret Republican.

I Think America Causes Cancer, Longevity Is Less Important Than Fun, And Young People Should Be Discouraged From Voting.

I Never, Ever In My Life Tried To Be Outrageous. I've Only Ever Tried To Say What Was Truly On My Mind And Not Pull Punches About It.

Sarah Palin Should Not Be On Vacation. She Should Be In Summer School.