Every Time I See Dan Quayle I

I Wanted To Get From 4th Street To 8th... Then I Remembered Einstein Postulating That Parallel Lines Eventually Meet. They're Dredging My Car From Lake Michigan As We Speak.

I've Always Kind Of Pushed The Envelope In Terms Of Trying To Get Away With Things No One Else Was Going Near. I Always Thought Of Myself Like A Mouse Trying To Get Cheese That No One Else Could Get Without Getting Their Tail Snipped Off.

My Sister Gained 80 Pounds Expecting Her Baby. Well, You Get Nervous, Waiting For Those Adoption Papers To Clear.

I Love My Family. I Came Home The Other Days. My Brother's Passed-out On The Couch, Holding An Empty Bottle Of Sleeping Pills. So I Called The Paramedics, And They Pumped His Stomach, And I Think He's Learned His Lesson: You Know, Never To Take My Last Two Sleeping Pills.

I Used To Be Scared Of Pretty Girls, Until One Confessed They're Just As Scared Of Me.