Everybody Wants To Win, But Everybody Doesn't

I've Never Used One Word Of Profanity In Front Of My Wife, Or My Daughter, Or My Granddaughter Or Anybody Else's Wife.

Listen, If You Start Worrying About The People In The Stands, Before Too Long You're Up In The Stands With Them.

The Gym Teacher's Name Was Mr. Caruso. Mr. Caruso Did Not Speak English. He Spoke 'gym.' One Day I Was Playing Basketball And Mr. Caruso Told Me I Would Have To Get An Athletic Supporter. He Didn't Express Himself Exactly That Way, Though. He Said, 'hey, You, One Day You're Gonna Go Up For A Rebound And The Family Jewels Aren't Gonna Go With Ya.' I Had No Idea What He Was Talking About. Next Day I Showed Up For Practice Without My Watch And My Mezuzah. He Said, 'did Ya Take Care Of The Family Jewels?' I Said, 'i Left 'em In My Locker.' Took Us A Half Hour To Revive Mr. Caruso.

The Only Way I'd Worry About The Weather Is If It Snows On Our Side Of The Field And Not Theirs.

I Didn't Even Graduate From High School. I've Never Told Anybody That Before. I Got My Degree Later, When I Was In The Army.