Everything I've Ever Told You, Including This,

I Saw An Advertisement The Other Day For The Secret Of Life. It Said "the Secret Of Life Can Be Yours For Twenty-five Shillings. Sent To Secret Of Life Institute, Willesden." So I Wrote Away, Seemed A Good Bargain, Secret Of Life, Twenty-five Shillings. And I Got A Letter Back Saying, "if You Think You Can Get The Secret Of Life For Twenty-five Shillings, You Don't Deserve To Have It. Send Fifty Shillings For The Secret Of Life."

If There's One Thing I Can't Bear, It's When Hundreds Of Old Men Come Creeping In Through The Window In The Middle Of The Night And Throw All Manner Of Garbage Over Me. I Can't Bear That.

Playing Rugby At School I Once Fell On A Loose Ball And, Through Ignorance And Fear, Held On Despite A Fierce Pummelling. After That It Took Me Months To Convince My Team-mates I Was A Coward.

I Went To The University Of Life And Was Chucked Out.

Now I Tell You The Downside Of This Is You Feel Awful, But The Upside Is You Feel Terrific.