Folks, Tomorrow America Will Get To Hear

Do You Know Who Will Be In Charge Of Health Care? The Irs. You Thought Getting Audited Was Bad? Wait Until Your Next Prostate Exam.

Yesterday Gary Condit Spent The Whole Day Attending An Agricultural Meeting. Boy, That's When You Know A Congressman's In Real Trouble: When He Spends The Whole Day Actually Working.

As You Know President Bush Has Been Traveling Around The Country Trying To Sell His New Social Security Plan. He Wants To Take Our Retirement Money And Invest It In The Stock Market. He Says Nothing Can Go Wrong. I'll Mention That To Martha Stewart The Next Time I See Her.

Jesse Jackson Was Involved In A Three-car Crash This Weekend. I Understand That No One Was Hurt, But I Understand That Two Of The Women In The Other Cars Are Now Pregnant.

I Was Born The Day I Got My License. When I Was A Kid, If I Wanted To Go Somewhere And See Things, You Have To Get In Your Car And Actually Go.