Half Of The People In This Room

I've Got Kids And That's Important. It's Funny, You Think That There's An Expiration Date On Them And There Just Isn't.

People Confuse Friendship And Relaxation. It's Incredibly Important To Be Relaxed - You Don't Have A Chance If You're Not Relaxed. So I Try Very Hard To Relax Any Kind Of Tension. But Friendship Is Different.

I Was At The New York Film Critics Circle Awards One Year - They Called Me Up When Somebody Canceled Two Days Before The Thing, And Asked Me To Present Some Awards. So I Went, And One Of The Funniest Film Moments I've Ever Had Was When They Introduced The New York Film Critics. They All Stood Up - Motley Isn't The Word For That Group. Everybody Had Some Sort Of Vision Problem, Some Sort Of Damage - I Had To Bury Myself In My Napkin.

I Went To Second City, Where You Learned To Make The Other Actor Look Good So You Looked Good And National Lampoon, Where You Had To Create Everything Out Of Nothing, And Snl, Where You Couldn't Make Any Mistakes, And You Learned What Collaboration Was.

Now, For Some Of You It Doesn't Matter. You Were Born Rich And You're Going To Stay Rich. But Here's My Advice To The Rest Of You: Take Dead Aim On The Rich Boys. Get Them In The Crosshairs And Take Them Down. Just Remember, They Can Buy Anything But They Can't Buy Backbone. Don't Let Them Forget It. Thank You.