Having A 2 Year Old Is Like

Why Is It When You Turn On The Tv You See Ads For Telephone Companies, And When You Turn On The Radio You Hear Ads For Tv Shows, And When You Get Put On Hold On The Phone You Hear A Radio Station?

Life Is Truly A Ride. We're All Strapped In And No One Can Stop It. When The Doctor Slaps Your Behind, He's Ripping Your Ticket And Away You Go. As You Make Each Passage From Youth To Adulthood To Maturity, Sometimes You Put Your Arms Up And Scream, Sometimes You Just Hang On To That Bar In Front Of You. But The Ride Is The Thing. I Think The Most You Can Hope For At The End Of Life Is That Your Hair's Messed, You're Out Of Breath, And You Didn't Throw Up.

I Can't Eat Chicken And Look At Strippers At The Same Time.

I Am So Busy Doing Nothing... That The Idea Of Doing Anything - Which As You Know, Always Leads To Something - Cuts Into The Nothing And Then Forces Me To Have To Drop Everything.

That's Why Breakups Take Two Or Three Times- To Build Up Immunity.