Having Children Is Fab. They Keep Me

My Father Was An Engineer And My Mother Was A Social Worker, And They Met As Young Socialists. That Probably Tells You Everything You Need To Know About My Attitude To Money - I've Never Really Been Bothered About It.

I Wouldn't Say I Was Organised At All. I Just Have To Prioritise. Is It More Important For Them To Be Organised, Or To Have Their Dinner, Do You Know What I Mean?

I Often Tell Audiences At The Start Of My Shows That I'm Not Gay Because I've Got Petitions From Lesbian Groups Saying 'can You Tell People You're Heterosexual Because You're Giving Us A Bad Name.'

The Way To A Man's Heart Is Through His Hanky Pocket With A Breadknife.

Jeremy Clarkson Is Rather Charming, But I Can't Stomach His Public Persona. I Don't Like His Casual Racism And Casual Misogyny.