He's So Fat, He Can Be His

I Hear That Whenever Someone In The White House Tells A Lie, Nixon Gets A Royalty.

As For Being Sociable, I Hate The Phoniness In The Showbiz World. I Know This Will Be Taken Wrong, But I Don't Like Clubs And Organizations. I Was Never A Joiner.

I Loved The Towns I Grew Up In As A Boy, And After I Became A Celebrity, I Went Back Several Times. I Would Have Had The Time Of My Life Seeing The Old Places And The Old Faces Again, But The Attitude Of Those Same People Was, "i Guess You're So Big We Bore You Now."

Americans, Too Many Of Them, Take Themselves Too Seriously. You're Going To Get Rapped - By The Viewers, By The Sponsors And By The Network Brass - If You Joke About Doctors, Lawyers, Dentists, Scientists, Bus Drivers, I Don't Care Who. You Can't Make A Joke About Catholics, Negroes, Jews, Italians, Politicians, Dogs Or Cats. In Fact, Politicians, Dogs And Cats Are The Most Sacred Institutions In America.

If Variety Is The Spice Of Life, Marriage Is The Big Can Of Leftover Spam.