He Who Hesitates Is Poor.

You Want Me To Admit I'm A Four-foot, Six-inch Freckle-faced Person Of Jewish Extraction? I Admit It. All But The Extraction. But Being Short Never Bothered Me For Three Seconds. The Rest Of The Time I Wanted To Commit Suicide.

In Real Life People Fart, In The Movies, People Don't. Why Not? Farts Are A Repressed Minority. The Mouth Gets To Say All Kinds Of Things, But The Other Place Is Supposed To Keep Quiet. But Maybe Our Lower Colons Have Something Interesting To Say. Maybe We Should Listen To Them. Farts Are Human, More Human Than A Lot Of People I Know. I Think We Should Bring Them Out Of The Water Closet And Into The Parlor.

When I'm Writing A Script, I Don't Worry About Plot As Much As I Do About People. I Get To Know The Main Characters - What They Need, What They Want, What They Should Do. That's What Gets The Story Going. You Can't Just Have Action, You've Got To Find Out What The Characters Want. And Then They Must Grow, They Must Go Somewhere.

I Only Direct In Self-defense.

Comedy Is Serious - Deadly Serious. Never, Never Try To Be Funny! The Actors Must Be Serious. Only The Situation Must Be Absurd. Funny Is In The Writing, Not In The Performing. If The Situation Isn't Absurd, No Amount Of Joke Will Help.