Honesty Is Hard Work.

If You've Lived A Bad Life, They Send You To Hell. But If You've Been Truly Wicked, They Give You A Tour Of Heaven First.

Some Guys Step On A Rake In The Dark, And Get Mad And Go Punch Somebody. Others Step On A Rake In The Dark And Fall Down Laughing At Themselves. I Know Which Kind Of Guy I'd Rather Be. So Do My Friends.

If A Person Who Indulges In Gluttony Is A Glutton, And A Person Who Commits A Felony Is A Felon, Then God Is An Iron.

Quite Frankly, I Don't Like You Humans. After What You All Have Done, I Find Being 'inhuman' A Compliment.

To All The Callahan's Places There Ever Were Or Ever Will Be, Whatever They May Be Called — And To All The Merry Maniacs And Happy Fools Who Are Fortunate Enough To Stumble Into One: May None Of Them Arrive Too Late!