Hookers Don't Like To Snuggle.

My Girlfriend And I Went To A Dinner Party The Other Night And We Ended Up Playing Charades. There Was Another Couple There That Was Deaf. They Were So Good.

Four Years Ago On This Very Day I Tried To Take My Own Life. And I Said, "zach, Do It In Front Of Your Co-workers And End The Misery." I Don't Know How Many Of You Ever Tried To Jump Off Of A Pizza Hut, But You'll Just Get A Sprained Ankle Out Of The Deal. Then You'll Have To Go Back Inside, And Serve Crazy Bread.

I Would Start A Revolution, But I Just Bought A Hammock.

I Don't Want My Personal Life To Change. I Don't Understand Why People Strive For Fame. I Know It's Ironic For Me To Be Saying This, But This Will Be The Last One I Do.

When You Look Like I Do Its Hard To Get A Table For One At Chucky Cheese.