I Always Find Something To Keep Me

I Really Don't Like Going Out. I Don't Like Restaurants Because I Don't Like The Idea Of Someone, A Waitress, Being Responsible For My Evening. I Like Seconds, And More, And Lots Of Conversation, And I've Always Hated The Idea That In A Restaurant An Evening Just Ends. I Find That Incredibly Depressing.

Most People Think Witches Are A Coven Of Lesbians Dancing Naked In The Forest Celebrating The Semen Stolen From Imprisoned Hypnotized Males, Which They Then Use To Inseminate One Another Using Turkey Basters In Order To Create A Legion Of Demon Babies. Well, That's Only Part Of It. We Are Also Active In Community Outreach Programs.

I Cried When I Had No Shoes, Until I Met A Man Who Had No Feet. And Then I Laughed Really Hard.

When I Meet A New Person, Something Has To Be A Little Off For Me To Consider Them Beautiful. It Could Be Crooked Teeth, Or Veins In Their Skin That Are A Little Too Visible, Or A Really Dramatic Lazy Eye. The First Guy I Ever Kissed Had A Water Head.

Exercise Your Imagination Muscle! How Many Uses Can You Come Up With For A Flowerpot? Write Down Your Answers. But Don't Write Them In This Book. Grab A Separate Sheet Of Paper. I Didn't Spend Two And A Half Weeks Writing A Book Just So You Could Mark Up The Pages With Your Silly Ideas For Things You Can Do With A Flowerpot. When It Comes Down To It, What's Wrong With A Flowerpot Not Being A Flowerpot? Why Is Nothing Ever Good Enough For You?