I Am Billed As A Humorist, But

My Philosophy Of Life Can Be Summed Up In Four Words: It Can't Be Helped.

Borrowing Has A Bad Name, But You Would Be Surprised How It Helps In A Pinch.

Even As A Child Back In Indiana, Whenever I Took A Butterbelly Off The Hook I Used To Ask Myself, "does This Fish Think?" I Would Even Ask Others, "do You Suppose This Butterbelly Can Think?" And All I Would Get In Reply Was A Look. At The Age Of Eighteen, I Left The State.

The Moral Of The Story Of The Pilgrims Is That If You Work Hard All Your Life And Behave Yourself Every Minute And Take No Time Out For Fun You Will Break Practically Even, If You Can Borrow Enough Money To Pay Your Taxes.

As Darwin Puts It In The Descent Of Man, 'male Snakes, Though Appearing So Sluggish, Are Amorous.' Isn't That Just Like Darwin? It Was One Of His Main Ideas, You Know, That The Males Of Almost All Animals Have Stronger Passions Than The Females. Since Then We've Learned A Thing Or Two. At Any Rate, The Female Snake Is Right There When Spring Arrives In The Woods.