I Can't See The Forest Through The

The Year Most Of My High School Friends And I Got Our Driver's Permits, The Coolest Thing One Could Do Was Stand Outside After School And Twirl One's Car Keys Like A Lifeguard Whistle. That Jingling Sound Meant Freedom And Power.

Normally, I Am A Vocal Advocate For 'looking Both Ways' And 'knowing The Size Of One's Own Body.' But Working, Socialising And Simply Running Errands In Manhattan, Means I Am Bound To Break My Own Rules On Occasion.

I Can Say With A Solid Degree Of Authority That I Am A Selfish Person. I Spontaneously Forget The Names Of More People Than Not, Unless I Want To Make Out With Them. I Will Take The Last Square Of Toilet Paper Off The Roll Without Thinking Twice. I Tip Taxi Drivers So Poorly I'm Amazed None Of Them Have Run Over My Foot While Speeding Off.

What Annoyed Me Was That I So Often Attempted To Weasel Out Of Things On Purpose, It Killed Me To Do It By Accident. It Seemed Like A Waste Of Whatever Detailed Lie I Was Going To Have To Come Up With.

A Pet Store Is A Celebration Of Dogs' Existence And An Explosion Of Options. About Cats, A Pet Store Seems To Say, 'here, We Couldn't Think Of Anything Else.' Cats Are The Hanukkah Of The Animal World In This Way. They Are Feted Quietly And Happily By A Minority, But There's Only So Much Hoopla Applicable To Them.