I Can Whistle With My Fingers, Especially

I Got A Smoke Alarm At Home, But Really It's More Like A 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

If You Have To Release Bad News To The Public, It Would Help If You Are Not Ugly.

I Saw Soda Pop For $1.20 A Six Pack. That Price Messes With Your Head. You Start Thinking You're Gonna Sell Soda Pop. Suddenly I've Got Packs Of Pop With Me. "looking To Buy Some Pop? 50 Cents A Can. It's Not Refrigerated Because This Is A Half-assed Commitment!"

Do You Think I Am Standing Here, Making This Up As I Go? I Am Sorry To Disillusion You. I Am Not Robin Williams. I Am The King Of The Pen.

The Next Time I Move I Hope I Get A Real Easy Phone Number, Something Like 2222222. People Will Ask, "mitch, How Do I Get A Hold Of You?" I'll Say, "just Press Two For A While, When I Answer, You'll Know That You've Pressed Two Enough."