I Caught My Wife In Bed With

My Sister Married A German. He Complained He Couldn't Get A Good Bagel Back Home. I Said: 'well, Whose Fault Is That?'

Interviewers Always Used To Ask Me About My Pageboy Haircut, And It Drove Me Nuts: It Almost Made Me Suspect That There Was Something Strange About It. So I Cut Off My Pageboy.

I've Always Had A Special Place In My Heart For Old Women Digging Through Garbage Bins. They Saved My Life So Many Times As A Baby.

The Only Work I Ever Turned Down Was A Cable Programme Called Diving For Excrement.

Cell Phones Are Like A Dog's Nipples... You Don't Have To Shout Into Them!