I Certainly Do Not Drink All The

Christmas At My House Is Always At Least Six Or Seven Times More Pleasant Than Anywhere Else. We Start Drinking Early. And While Everyone Else Is Seeing Only One Santa Claus, We'll Be Seeing Six Or Seven.

Thou Shalt Not Take The Name Of The Lord Thy God In Vain Unless You've Used Up All The Other Four-letter Words.

If I Ever Found A Church That Didn't Believe In Knocking All The Other Churches, I Might Consider Joining It.

When We Have Lost Everything, Including Hope, Life Becomes A Disgrace, And Death A Duty.

How Is The Human Race Going To Survive Now That The Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Two Dollars A Quart?