I Changed The Face Of Comedy. I

Every Time I Give A Straight Answer And Read It In A Magazine, I Say, 'ouch.' One Day I'd Like To Talk To A Psychoanalyst About Why Celebrities Reveal So Much Of Themselves In Interviews.

I Was Talking To Jesus, And I Said, Jesus, I Feel Like No One Will Ever Accept Me. And Jesus Looked At Me And Said, You Know What My Theory Is? Accept Me Or Go To Hell.

You Can Say "ass," But You Can't Say "asshole." That's Why I Always Cringe When A Character In A Tv Show Refers To Someone As An "ass." Unless You're British, Calling Someone An Ass Really Doesn't Work. But Those Are The Rules Of Television. You Can Be A Dirtbag, But Not A Scumbag.

There Are Times When I've Had Ideas Walking Down The Street That I Thought Were Great, And The Minute I Got Onstage, I Would Think Of Them And Go, 'wow, That Would Never Work,' Even Before I Did It In Front Of The Audience.

Unfortunately, I've Never Been Mistaken As Johnny Depp.