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Recently, There's Been A Trend In America That I Find Very Disturbing... Rewarding Immoral And Illegal Behavior...for Example, We Now Give Free Needles To Junkies, Which Seems To Me To Be Only A Step Away From Giving Condoms To Rapists.

Iraq Now Says That It Will, After All, Destroy Its Missiles. President Bush Said, 'please, I Used To Pull The Same Trick. There'd Be An Intervention, I'd Make A Big Show Of Pouring Out The Liquor And Then There Was A Case Under The Floorboards.'

I Don't Want To Start A Movement That Mirrors Religion. I Don't Want To Create The Church Of The Non-believers Where I'm The Preacher And We're All Gathering Together And Reciting Things.

Every Asshole Who Ever Chanted 'drill Baby Drill' Should Have To Report To The Gulf Coast Today For Cleanup Duty.

Married Men Live Longer. Yes. And An Indoor Cat Also Lives Longer. It's A Furball With A Broken Spirit, That Can Only Look Out On A World It Can Never Enjoy. But It Does Technically Live Longer.