I Didn't Go To College, But If

I Like Wearing Necklaces, Because It Lets Me Know When I'm Upside Down.

Some Comics Get Drunk Before A Show. I Don't. When I Get Drunk, I Don't Want To Stand In Front Of A Bunch Of People That I Don't Know. That Does Not Sound Comfortable. Why Have All These People Gathered? And Why Am I Elevated And Not Facing The Same Way As Everyone Else? And What Is This Electric Stick In My Hand? I Want A Chair Too!

If You Can't Sleep, Count Sheep. Don't Count Endangered Animals. You Will Run Out.

Why Is Cloud 9 So Amazing? What Is Wrong With Cloud 8?

I Met The Girl Who Works At The Doubletree Front Desk, She Gave Me Her Number. It's Zero. I Tried To Call From Here, Some Other Woman Answered. "you Sound Older!"