I Don't Care For Sex. I Find

I Went To A Hypnotist. He Put Me Under A Spell, And Every Time I Had A Craving For A Cigarette, I Would Throw Up. It's Very Embarrassing Right After Sex. I Find It Pretty Hard To Get That Second Date After That. Girls Get All Snobby After You Barf On Them.

You Ever See 'the Dating Game'? That's A Weird Game Show. The Prize On That Show: Another Contestant. Talk About Cheap.

I Generally Have A Real Strong Idea Or A Strong Punchline, And I Just Try To Get To It By Rambling Around, As I Don't Like To Memorize Words.

The Praise We Seek For Our Own Virtues Sometimes Tempts Us To Flatter The Imperfections Of Other Men.

All Kinds Of Violence On The Tv. You're Not Supposed To Watch Violence On The Tv. Children, They Can't Watch It 'cause They're Afraid Maybe The Kids Will Copy Something They See On The Tv. I Can't Even Get A Funny Cartoon Anymore Because Some 12-year-old Somewhere Watched A Particularly Violent Episode Of The Road Runner-coyote Show, And The Next Day, They Found Him At The Bottom Of A Canyon, Two Giant Springs Strapped To His Feet.