I Don't Deserve This Award, But I

The Only Way I'll Ever Get Hurt In The Casino Is If There's An Earthquake And A Slot Machine Falls On My Foot.

I'm An Old Newspaper-man Myself, But I Quit Because I Found There Was No Money In Old Newspapers.

Try Saving When Your Salary Is Low. So After Making More Money, You Will Not Be Able To Do This Anywhere

I'm Like Will Rogers, I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like... Well, Eichmann Maybe.

My Wife Mary And I Have Been Married For Forty-seven Years And Not Once Have We Had An Argument Serious Enough To Consider Divorce; Murder, Yes, But Divorce, Never.