I Don't Even Read The Papers. I

In Pakistan Anti-american Protesters Set A Kentucky Fried Chicken Restaurant On Fire. The Protesters Mistakenly Thought They Were Attacking High-ranking U.s. Military Official Colonel Sanders.

Marco Rubio's Presidential Campaign Has Raised $40 Million In The Last Week. When He Heard That, Rubio Said, 'hey, Any Chance I Can Drop Out Of The Race And Just Keep The 40 Million?'

The Favorite To Win The Olympic Gold Medal In Archery Is A Legally Blind Athlete From South Korea, Mainly Because Everyone Else Is Too Scared To Compete Next To Him.

Thank You, Horseradish, For Being Neither A Radish Nor A Horse. What You Are Is A Liar Food.

President Obama Unveiled A $4 Trillion Budget For 2016 That Would Increase Taxes On The Wealthy And Spend More Money On Education. He Also Made A Snowball And Put It In The Oven, Just To See Which Would Last Longer, His Budget Or The Snowball.