I Don't Even Read The Papers. I

Happy Birthday To Arnold Palmer, Who Turned 82. That's 41 Years Iced Tea And 41 Years Lemonade.

After President Obama Announced His Support For Net Neutrality Yesterday, Texas Senator Ted Cruz Tweeted That 'net Neutrality Is Obamacare For The Internet.' While Ted Cruz Continues To Be The Taylor Swift Of Not Getting Over Obamacare.

Today, Mitt Romney Visited A Firehouse Here In New York City. Of Course, He Was Disappointed When He Learned That A Firehouse Isn't A House Where You Get To Fire People.

The Heroic New York Doctor Who Caught Ebola Has Been Declared Ebola Free. President Obama Called The Doctor To Thank Him For His Selflessness And Compassion. Then To Be Safe, Obama Threw His Phone In A Trash Can And Lit It On Fire.

During A Recent Interview, President Obama Revealed That His Favorite Movie This Year Was 'boyhood.' It Makes Sense. If There's One Thing Obama Can Identify With, It's Aging Several Years Over The Course Of A Couple Of Hours.