I Don't See The Future As Bright,

It's Lamented That The Youth Get Their News From Jon Stewart And Stephen Colbert. It's Lamentable That They Get More From Them Than From The News.

I'm The Only Talk Show Host, I Think, If There's Such A Category In, What's Called, The Book Of Records, To Have A Guest Die While We Were Taping The Show, Yeah.

If I Were Running A Campaign, I'd Urge Taking The Mountain Of Money Reportedly Squandered On Pizza, Coffee And Bagels And Spending It More Wisely - On A Talented Young Comedy Writer.

Coming Up Through The Ranks Of Any Calling Can Be Rough, But That Battered Soul Who Survives The Early Years Of Courting The Comic Muse Comes Close To Knowing What Only The Soldier Knows: What Combat Is Like.

Just Think Of All The Billions Of Coincidences That Don't Happen.