I Don't Want To Wake Up With

When I Die, I Want To Be Cremated With Everybody.

I’m Not A Religious Person; I Would Call Myself An Atheist. I Don’t Have A Good Story Behind It, I’m Just Reasonable.

I Let A Friend Set Me Up On A Blind Date. It Was A Disaster. She Ended Up Being A Burn Victim. By The End Of The Night.

Im Not The Voice Of Reason; Im More The Guy Using These Offensive Topics As Fodder To Raise Tension In A Joke.

Every Year I Volunteer At A Hospital On Thanksgiving, Deep-frying Turkeys In The Children's Burn Unit. I Do It Just To See The Looks On Their Little "faces."