I Don't Wear A Watch Because I

I Tried To Throw A Yo-yo Away. It Was Impossible.

People Teach Their Dogs To Sit; It's A Trick. I've Been Sitting My Whole Life, And A Dog Has Never Looked At Me As Though He Thought I Was Tricky.

When You're In Hollywood And You're A Comedian, Everybody Wants You To Do Other Things. All Right, You're A Stand-up Comedian, Can You Write Us A Script? That's Not Fair. That's Like If I Worked Hard To Become A Cook, And I'm A Really Good Cook, They'd Say, "ok, You're A Cook. Can You Farm?"

I Saw A Seagull Hanging Out By A Lake, But I Said, "don't Worry, Dude. I Won't Say Anything."

I Like It When People Come To See Me Again, But You End Up Playing To That Person Only. You Know There's Other People Out There, But You Also Know That The Person Who Came To See You Again Is There. You're Like, "i Hope He's Happy Again."