I Feel Bad For People Who Die

Have You Noticed How The Republicans And Democrats Try To Copy Each Other At Their Conventions. Like At The Democratic Convention John Kerry's Daughter Told A Story About How He Once Gave Cpr To Her Hamster. At The Republican Convention The Bush Girls Are Going To Tell A Story About How When Their Hamster Was Bad, Their Dad Built Them A Little Electric Chair.

It Turns Out Enron Workers Were Not Only Shredding Documents At Work, They Were Having Sex At Work. Having Sex And Shredding Documents. Those Are Two Things You Don't Want To Get Mixed Up.

Sarah Palin Has Revealed She Has Tried Marijuana, But She Did Not Like It. You Know, It's Amazing: 200 Million Americans Have Smoked Marijuana. The Only Ones Who Don't Like It Seem To Be Elected Officials. Ever Notice That?

I've Never Understood Why Women Love Cats. Cats Are Independent, They Don't Listen, They Don't Come In When You Call, They Like To Stay Out All Night, And When They're Home They Like To Be Left Alone And Sleep. In Other Words, Every Quality That Women Hate In A Man, They Love In A Cat.

Today The Secretary Of State Said That Of The 247 Candidates, So Far 115 Of Them Have Been Certified. How Embarrassing Is That? Imagine If You Were Turned Down Because You Didn't Meet The High Standards Set By Larry Flynt And Gallagher.