I Get All Of My Comedy From

I Want To Manufacture A Feud.

If You Have A Secret, People Will Sit A Little Bit Closer.

My Mother Was Very, Very Protestant. I Grew Up Presbyterian, And I Went To Church Every Sunday Until I Was 18. I Was Forced To.

Once I Found Out How Much An Off-off-broadway Actor Makes, I Was Whoring Myself Out The Next Day.

I Don't Feel Rivalry. I'm The Least Competitive Person You'll Meet Ever, To A Fault.