I Get In Fewer Arguments When I'm

It's Funny That We Think Of Libraries As Quiet Demure Places Where We Are Shushed By Dusty, Bun-balancing, Bespectacled Women. The Truth Is Libraries Are Raucous Clubhouses For Free Speech, Controversy And Community. Librarians Have Stood Up To The Patriot Act, Sat Down With Noisy Toddlers And Reached Out To Illiterate Adults. Libraries Can Never Be Shushed.

When We Save The Rain Forest, The Polar Bear, And Al Gore, We Should Party So Hard That Canada Calls The Cops On Us For Noise.

I'm Thankful For Sarah Palin's Vice Presidential Bid, Which Taught Us That Alaska Is Not In A Box Off The Coast Of California.

I Can Make Things, But I Don't Cook Them, Exactly. Like Salmon, I Can Stick That In A Pan. Or The Other Day I Made Noodles, But They Were Hard. It Never Occurred To Me To Check Them; I Just Stopped Cooking Them When I Felt They Were Ready. Really, I'm Too Absentminded.

My Mom Is One Of Those Really Angry Moms Who Gets Mad At Absolutely Everything. Once When I Was A Little Kid, I Accidentally Knocked A Flintstones Glass Off The Kitchen Table. She Said, 'well, Dammit, We Can't Have Nice Things.'