I Get Paid For What Most Kids

From 1936 On, I Have Taken More Falls Than Any Other 20 Comedians Put Together. From The Time I Was 21, I've Taken Them On Everything From Clay Courts To Cement To Wood Floors, Coming Off Pianos, Going Out A Two-story Window, Landing On Dean, Falling Into The Rough. You Do That And You're Gonna Have Problems.

People Think I'm Against Critics Because They Are Negative To My Work. That's Not What Bothers Me. What Bothers Me Is They Didn't See The Work. I Have Seen Critics Print Stuff About Stuff I Cut Out Of The Film Before We Ran It. So Don't Tell Me About Critics.

People Hate Me Because I Am A Multifaceted, Talented, Wealthy, Internationally Famous Genius.

If I've Learned Anything In The More Than 50 Years That I've Led Mda, It's That The Generosity Of The American People Knows No Bounds. I'm Sure That With Their Fellow Citizens In Such Dire Need, They'll Dig Deep And Do Everything They Can To Help. I'm Hopeful That Many People Will Be Willing To Make Two Phone Calls And Donate To Both Causes.

I Get Paid For What Most Kids Get Punished For.